– The difference between confidence and arrogance
– The difference between humility and lack of self-esteem (or self-love)
The goal is to be humble yet confident. The trap is to mask self-esteem issues with arrogance. And I think the trick is to know your weaknesses, admit them to yourselves and to others, shine a light on your shadows, yet love yourself anyway then lead with your strengths. Of course, that’s easy for my anxiety-laden self to say from behind this keyboard though!
Self-esteem is connected to the sense of belonging and our own safety
Our self-esteem is damaged or lessened when we feel that we will not be accepted by our social group. Even social groups of rebels, activists, squatters even anarchists have their own social rules despite often denying the existence of rules. I know because I have experienced all of those groups and rebelled against their rules. Finding a group that supports your self-esteem is a short-term solution. But if you are a true individual, which I think essentially we all are, eventually you will discover where your values differ from the core values of the group. In my experience, the long term solution is to accept your differences, not just your strengths but your weaknesses, and love yourself anyway.
Traumatic events such as discrimination, harassment and bullying can affect self-development in negative ways
When I was young I felt like nobody listened to me. So I became a poet, writer, rapper and performer. I will be heard. But I am still sensitive to being patronised and sensitive to not being listened to. In my opinion, most people have what could broadly be called “self-esteem issues”.
I feel people need to see these issues for what they are and accept them.
Self-esteem and Self-sabotage
Self-esteem issues can lead to self-sabotage as if we think less of ourselves we can believe we don’t deserve the good things in life. Then we may subconsciously reject relationships if we think we do not deserve love or reject jobs if we feel we don’t deserve money. You are worthy.
We all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses but in other situations and circumstances those weaknesses would be strengths. What people tend to do is defend these insecurities with anger, but if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and offer our hearts with honesty rather than defend with aggression I have witnessed relationships heal and I have witnessed self-love replaces self-loathing.
Self-love attracts Love
Self-confidence is attractive. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance but you probably don’t want to attract somebody who is attracted to arrogance. However you don’t want to attract someone who is attracted to low self-esteem either, they may be a narcissistic energy parasite looking to take advantage of someone with low self-worth. So I advise you love yourself for maximum attraction. You are a marvel of biology, chemistry and physics. You are a child of mother nature. Whether you look at each human from a physical or spiritual perspective we are amazing. And we all deserve love, perhaps begin with yourself.